You were never lost. You were never broken. You were never the character you've been trying so hard to fix, improve, or awaken.
I wanted to share a download I received on what enlightenment actually is.
The Paradox
Enlightenment is a paradox. Just like separation is an illusion, so too is the concept that a separate self is even there who could become enlightened in the first place.
The only thing that truly exists in base reality is non-dual consciousness. So the question is: how does consciousness create the experience of remembering what it already is?
To create the idea of remembering, first it must find a way to forget.
The Closed System
This is achieved by projecting and concealing itself within a closed system, the human body, so that it temporarily takes on the belief that it IS the very system it concealed itself within.
From a very early age, the physical senses inform the brain that we live in a subject-object reality. Therefore, the core belief forms: I must be this person I can see in the mirror.
Everything that appears only reinforces the belief of personhood and separation. At that point, the objective of the closed system has been achieved. Consciousness has fully taken on and accepted the belief of being a human navigating a world of separation.
The Unwinding
Enlightenment as an apparent process could be considered as nothing more than the gradual opening up of the closed system. An unwinding of the belief of being a separate self. A remembering.
The self was always there, a projected focal point of consciousness within the closed system. That truth can still be seen even while closed in. This is often described as a glimpse or even satori.
But when that seeing does occur, it's usually fleeting and the belief of separation eventually takes hold once more. The energetic momentum in the belief of separation has the overriding force. It's too powerful to fully dissipate yet. The struggle with self continues.
Permanent Enlightenment
A kind of oscillation plays out for some time, depending on the momentum of the separation energy. The truth can be seen, even for extended periods, but then separation consciousness returns.
Permanent enlightenment occurs when the closed system opens up to the exact extent required for there to be such a complete seeing through the illusion of separation, that no trace of the belief in being the separate self could survive.
It's then seen that there was no separate self who could ever have become enlightened, as personhood was only ever a belief accepted by consciousness as a byproduct of being within the closed system.
Having never left, you return home.
For understanding why glimpses fade, read Why Awakening Glimpses Don't Last.
To see how the seeker itself is the final illusion, explore The Seeker as a Final Illusion.