So many people I've spoken to lately have been carrying this same heavy weight:
I had a glimpse. I saw the truth of who I really am. But now, I'm stuck. Obsessive thoughts. Looping fears. And then the shame. Guilt. Self-criticism kicks in. What's happening to me?
If that's you, please know this: You're not going backward. You're not doing it wrong. You're actually right on track.
The Destabilization Phase
What you're experiencing is something I call the destabilization phase, a natural part of the awakening process.
It's where the old egoic operating system based in identification with the separate self begins to dissolve. But not without a fight.
After the glimpse, that moment of clear seeing where the illusion of the separate self cracks open, something profound happens.
The Ego Pushes Back
The ego, no longer in full control, starts to push back. And it does so by throwing every last fear, belief, and distortion it can into your awareness.
Obsessive thoughts. Deep fears. Physical sensations. Even pain.
But this is purification. A psychic and energetic detox.
Not because something's wrong with you, but because something false is being cleared from you.
The Trap
Yes, it can be intense. Yes, it can feel like you're going crazy.
But if you can zoom out and see the mechanics of what's happening, you'll understand this isn't a personal failure. It's spiritual alchemy. You're transmuting potentially lifetimes of misidentification and illusion.
The fear, the guilt, the shame. That's not just emotion. It's the residue of false beliefs being brought to the surface so they can be seen, felt, and finally released.
And the trap? The trap is judging yourself for it.
Thinking: I should be past this by now. Believing: There must be something wrong with me.
But none of that is true. The self-judgment is an illusion.
The Sacred Fire
You're in the exact phase that mystics throughout time have described: the sacred fire that burns away everything you're not, so that what you are can finally remain.
Each wave of fear is an opportunity to clear a deeper layer. Each cycle brings you closer to the core truth. Until eventually, all that's left is your true nature.
Real peace. Not because the world changed, but because you stopped identifying as the one who needed changing.
For understanding the destabilization process, read 7 Things I Wish I Knew at the Start.
For clearing the fear patterns that surface, see The Golden Thread Technique.